The World's Strongest Bird

The World's Strongest Man
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

Several months ago I took out a classified ad in my local newspaper, advertising steroids and other assorted illegal drugs, and the first call I received was from this bird. His name is Tony Thunderfist, and his body, surprisingly, is not all natural. We arranged a meeting at a bus stop several miles from my house. I brought the goods.

When he arrived, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was constantly twitching and making mock hand-washing motions with his hands. He looked nervously to the right, and then to the left, and he asked to see the stuff. I showed it to him, we agreed on a price, and I sold him some steroids.

Just the other day, I was watching television, and I was surprised to see my old "friend" was competing in a weightlifting competition. His body was significantly larger than it was when I last saw him (perhaps thanks to the steroids), and he was sitting on a bench, waiting for his turn. On an impulse, I decided to drive up to the competition (which was only about 15 minutes away) and see him.

By the time I arrived, he had already had his turn, so I decided to wait outside until he had finished his paperwork and packed his stuff, and I could speak to him on his way out. I later learned that he had ended up failing to hold the weight over his head for but a split second, and he became enraged at his failure. He had thrown the weights at the judges, breaking one of one of the judges' legs. He had even bitten the referee's arm. When his rampage had ended, he ran for the door, with the police right behind him. He got to the door first, got outside, and lifted a car over his head and used it to block the doors. He then turned to see me.

We had a fairly long discussion, and he agreed to pose for some pictures. I gave him my card, in the event that he wanted some more steroids, which I had still a substantial amount of.