Psycho No Deal Zone

I am now officially announcing that the Psycho Bird Zone has now merged with Bird… Or No Deal to create the Psycho No Deal Zone. PNDZ will not be exclusively birds, but you will still definitely see the occasional bird. This means that this URL will no longer be updated with awesome birds, as those updates will be there.

I very much suggest you check it out and keep checking it out every day forever until the end of time.

Collaboration

I feel it’s important to notify my loyal readers of this blog that I have entered into negotiations with YA$H, the creator of “Bird… Or No Deal” with the intent of either hiring him to join this blog, or creating an entirely new collaborative venture with him. Do now worry however, as you will still get your fix of birds at whatever the “new” blog ends up being.

I should be able to let you know of our progress fairly soon, so keep checking.

Intel President

Intel President
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

Okay, so this bird could lose a little weight. That's no reason to judge him. He has a job just like you and me, and is trying to make an honest living. So, his job is a competitive hair-eater, so what? We all have our strengths, and I believe it is our duty to play to those strengths and give the world what we can best offer.

Having said that, I will admit that this bird is kind of disgusting, not that's no reason to lose respect for him. As a matter of fact, this bird is the president of the Intel corporation. You think people build computer processors? You're wrong my friend. Intel's processors are created when they come out of this bird's mouth, literally, in the form of vomit.

This bird has some demons that he has struggled with for years. Due to his financial success, he has been known to go for fast cars, loose women, and booze. It is fortunate that he has as much money as he does, or he would have gone broke. He purchased Ferraris, hired numerous prostitutes (from which he acquired numerous STDs), and spent millions of dollars on liquor.

Today, people suspect he has reformed, as he has a wife and children, but no one really knows what goes on behind the doors of his mansion. He rarely exits the mansion, and rumors suggest that he tends to reside in the darkness and avoid the light at all costs. He does have one good friend who vouches for him, but he refuses to explain his eccentricities. This friend, of course, is the fictional character Harry Potter. Unfortunately, I was unable to reach him for comment.

How was I able to get this photograph you ask? Well, I admit that this is one of the few photos on this blog that I have not personally taken. It is actually a publicity photo from Intel's web site.

I would also like to announce that our parent web site, devastationstudios.com has just launched a podcast titled the Richard and John Show. Be sure to check that out. For the record, it's made by me.

Another Birdle-like Beast

Another Birdle-like Beast
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

Some might confuse this bird with the "Birdle" that I have previously posted about, but this bird is markedly different. While they both exhibit traits of bird/turtle hybrids, that bird was elderly and spoke English. This bird is near mindless, and spends a great amount of time waddling along the beach with its head in the sand, scooping up and eating starfish and barnacles with it's beak. It doesn't exactly digest the starfish and barnacles, but rather it stores them in a small compartment in its throat. When threatened, the turtle opens it's mouth and unleashes the still living starfish and barnacles at breathtaking speeds towards the aggressor.

This bird doesn't actually eat and digest much of anything. Rather, it feeds on the souls of the damned and human mustaches. The souls are stolen from soul canisters that are sold in bulk at Costco. The mustaches are fed upon at night, when men are sleeping. Many mustached men wake up without mustaches, and consequently are fired from their jobs, left by their families, and evicted from their homes.

This bird's arch enemies are samurais and matadors, especially when they work together by merging their mind-powers together to create an orb of kinetic energy that they load into a catapult and launch at the bird. Fortunately, this bird has developed a defense mechanism to this attack – it's heart stops beating and it dies before the energy orb appears, thus denying the samurais/matadors the pleasure of knowing that they defeated the creature.

Bird By The Pool

Bird By The Pool
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

My apologies for not having updated sooner, but I was out of town bird watching. Nevertheless, I do have an update for all of you patient folks. I first saw this bird when I was trespassing on private property in order to use a private swimming pool, but when I arrived through the bushes, I saw that I was not alone. This bird was relaxing by the pool on a pool chair, reading a magazine. I decided to approach the bird and attempt to take photographs using my binoculars. Unfortunately, this was unsuccessful and I was forced to use my camera.

Eventually, he spotted me, but seemed unconcerned about my trespassing. I asked him if he lived there, and he told me that he did not, but rather had just broke in and tied up the house's inhabitants so he would be able to use the pool for a while. As you may have noticed by now, many birds are notorious for breaking the law in various fashions, and this bird was certainly no different. He had his son with him, playing in the pool which was full of humpback whales. I hesitate to say "playing in the pool", because due to the size of humpback whales, only two or three fit in this pool, and only then when they were curled up in something of a ball, and they were essentially stacked on top of each other, the top of the pile at least 10 feet above the surface of the water. Needless to say, this left very little room for this bird's son, or even water.

I decided to sit down with the bird by the pool, and try to gather some information about him, and other birds like him. One of my first questions pertained to gender – as you may have noticed, the vast majority of birds on this blog I refer to as males, though there isn't exactly any proof other than dress and appearance; I decided to get some definitive information right from the horse/bird's mouth. I got a rather enlightening response. Apparently, birds reproduce asexually via mitosis, much like single cell organisms.

I also asked him about the average lifespan for a bird, but before he could answer, he boarded a space elevator with rocket boosters, and flew off towards the moon.

Lobotomy

Lobotomy
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

This bird had a lobotomy a number of years, and has not coped well. Years ago, this bird was a real troublemaker. It would run screaming down streets in the middle of the night, he would throw rocks at windows, and even go as far as to throw footballs at people. Perhaps these actions didn't warrant a lobotomy, but in its shop class, as it was cutting a piece of wood, a splinter got in the finger of a classmate. That classmate was the daughter of a rich and influential man, who lobbied for the lobotomy, and ultimately succeeded.

Now, this bird lives in a hospital, where it sits in a wheelchair at one end of a chessboard, while old men play both sides of the game. It takes pills daily to keep it from ceasing to breathe, and wheels around on a basketball court while other people throw basketballs at it, in an ironic turn of events.

Recently, it "befriended" an older gentleman who offered to teach him the way of the wind. A raving lunatic, this gentleman believes that when the wind blows excessively, he gains incredible powers that he will use, in conjunction with the bird's powers that he hopes to teach, to break out of the hospital. If this ever comes to fruition, you can be certain that you will hear about it first, here at the Psycho Bird Zone.

Bird Science

Bird Science
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

This bird is a world famous scientist that is working on reversing the polio vaccine. This is generally thought by most in the medical field to be a pointless exercise in idiocy, but this renegade bird scientist pays them no mind.

Some of this particular bird's other scientific endeavors include a pancake that's thickness is equal to its diameter, a potion that allows humans to grow the multiple rows of teeth like sharks, and a very small hat.

You might be wondering what the clipboard that this bird is holding says. It says nothing. In fact, it is a rather crude crayon drawing of a nude woman. The beaker it is holding in its other hand contains water from a river. Another interesting personality trait about this bird – it is autistic. This ends up making it difficult to accomplish much as a scientist, but considering what its goals are, this is seen by most to be more a blessing than a curse to the world at large.