Lobotomy

Lobotomy
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

This bird had a lobotomy a number of years, and has not coped well. Years ago, this bird was a real troublemaker. It would run screaming down streets in the middle of the night, he would throw rocks at windows, and even go as far as to throw footballs at people. Perhaps these actions didn't warrant a lobotomy, but in its shop class, as it was cutting a piece of wood, a splinter got in the finger of a classmate. That classmate was the daughter of a rich and influential man, who lobbied for the lobotomy, and ultimately succeeded.

Now, this bird lives in a hospital, where it sits in a wheelchair at one end of a chessboard, while old men play both sides of the game. It takes pills daily to keep it from ceasing to breathe, and wheels around on a basketball court while other people throw basketballs at it, in an ironic turn of events.

Recently, it "befriended" an older gentleman who offered to teach him the way of the wind. A raving lunatic, this gentleman believes that when the wind blows excessively, he gains incredible powers that he will use, in conjunction with the bird's powers that he hopes to teach, to break out of the hospital. If this ever comes to fruition, you can be certain that you will hear about it first, here at the Psycho Bird Zone.

Bird Science

Bird Science
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

This bird is a world famous scientist that is working on reversing the polio vaccine. This is generally thought by most in the medical field to be a pointless exercise in idiocy, but this renegade bird scientist pays them no mind.

Some of this particular bird's other scientific endeavors include a pancake that's thickness is equal to its diameter, a potion that allows humans to grow the multiple rows of teeth like sharks, and a very small hat.

You might be wondering what the clipboard that this bird is holding says. It says nothing. In fact, it is a rather crude crayon drawing of a nude woman. The beaker it is holding in its other hand contains water from a river. Another interesting personality trait about this bird – it is autistic. This ends up making it difficult to accomplish much as a scientist, but considering what its goals are, this is seen by most to be more a blessing than a curse to the world at large.

Hello, Ladies

Hello, Ladies
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

This bird is something of a ladies man. He lives in a large house; some would even call it a mansion. He spends most of his time lying around his house, nude, watching prostitutes he hires dance for him. Unfortunately, due to the fact that he has no genitals, much like most birds, his nights usually end up in a great deal of weeping.

Having made a substantial amount of money thanks to some lucky investments, he has no need to work. He doesn't have much knowledge as far as money management however, so he ends up wasting a great deal of it on diamond chandeliers and golden silverware. He frequently hires actors to act out his scripts, which are terrible. They all focus on bizarre horse characters; horses as police, horses eating dinner, horses playing baseball, all the usual clichés. He even hired Tim Allen for one of his plays.

This bird's reputation is mostly negative. Most other birds realize that he will likely be bankrupt within months. The prostitutes he hires are disgusted by him and pray that they are not the next to be hired.

Bob Bone and the Flower Store

Bob Bone and the flower store
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

This vulture owns a small store selling custom flower arrangements, but in his time off he gets into constant arguments, most of which he instigates. His name is Bob Bone, and he is as close to having split personality disorder as possible without having two separate personas. He simply has an exceptionally wide variety of emotions. When he is selling flower arrangements he is usually very personable, always trying to help his customers and being kind and forgiving of his employees. However, when the store closes its doors for the day, the instant he walks out on the street, his fists are clenched, furious for no reason whatsoever.

This photo was taken on such an occasion, and I witnessed one of these "fights". It was actually with one of his frequent customers. The customer had arrived just as the store was closing, and she was understandably disappointed. She politely asked if he might re-open the store, but he was extremely offended. He let loose with a barrage of verbal abuse, ending with a threat that sent her running off into the distance. I don't actually think he has ever been in a physical fight, and I suspect that he wouldn't fare very well in such a situation.

Even in his store, if the doors are closed for business, he still goes into fight mode. He threatens his plants, taking particular offense to the venus fly traps that he sells. I have heard rumors that one night, he actually started punching his plants, but he was bitten by a venus fly trap that almost severed his finger. He is said to have cost himself several thousand dollars in damages that night.