Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Frank Thunderfist

Frank Thunderfist
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

This bird, Frank Thunderfist, is a former world champion bodybuilder in addition to being the brother of Tony Thunderfist, a bird I have written about previously. Frank had made a fortune in endorsement deals, and had won tremendous fame with his numerous wins in competitions. He became an international sensation. That is, until he was hit by a bus one day when he was signing autographs.

Not only did the bus break both of his legs, it also sent him flying through the air at least 30 feet. His head landed in an open mailbox, and all the mail that was in the mailbox gave him hundreds of paper cuts all over his face, leading to irreversible brain damage.

Of course, after losing his mental faculties and physical prowess, interest in Frank Thunderfist dwindled to practically nothing. He got a job as a greeter at Wal-Mart, but things took a turn for the worse when he greeted a gang without using the proper hand signal. This led to a brutal beating that left Frank with even more broken bones and shattered dreams.

His brother Tony took him into his house to keep an eye on him, but things broke down when Frank spilled a bowl of cheerios, and Tony entered into a steroid fueled rage. He threw a lamp at Frank and broke his nose, and then proceeded to kick him out into the street.

Another Wal-Mart employee decided to take pity on him. Her name was Jessica, and she took Frank into her home and acted as a full time caregiver. Unfortunately, one day when she came home from work, she found that Frank had hanged himself using tied together Twizzlers.

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