Another Birdle-like Beast

Another Birdle-like Beast
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

Some might confuse this bird with the "Birdle" that I have previously posted about, but this bird is markedly different. While they both exhibit traits of bird/turtle hybrids, that bird was elderly and spoke English. This bird is near mindless, and spends a great amount of time waddling along the beach with its head in the sand, scooping up and eating starfish and barnacles with it's beak. It doesn't exactly digest the starfish and barnacles, but rather it stores them in a small compartment in its throat. When threatened, the turtle opens it's mouth and unleashes the still living starfish and barnacles at breathtaking speeds towards the aggressor.

This bird doesn't actually eat and digest much of anything. Rather, it feeds on the souls of the damned and human mustaches. The souls are stolen from soul canisters that are sold in bulk at Costco. The mustaches are fed upon at night, when men are sleeping. Many mustached men wake up without mustaches, and consequently are fired from their jobs, left by their families, and evicted from their homes.

This bird's arch enemies are samurais and matadors, especially when they work together by merging their mind-powers together to create an orb of kinetic energy that they load into a catapult and launch at the bird. Fortunately, this bird has developed a defense mechanism to this attack – it's heart stops beating and it dies before the energy orb appears, thus denying the samurais/matadors the pleasure of knowing that they defeated the creature.

Birdle

Birdle
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

This bird is similar to the Galapagos tortoise, particularly since it is calm; it lives for hundreds of years, and moves very slowly. However, unlike the Galapagos tortoise, this creature's shell is far too small to be of any protection; it has a significant amount of brown hair, and obviously has a beak.

That said, this bird creature talks. It speaks English, and tells great stories, thanks to its age. Children gather around frequently to hear its stories. It was a general in World War 1, and commanded American troops in their invasion of the underwater kingdom of Atlantis. They fought only with their teeth. It's a little known fact that WW1 was a biting war, and all the deaths were caused by biting frenzies. To avoid confusion, I want to put to rest right now the notion that this is cannibalism, as it's not. More like when a cat bites a human. Obviously the cat can't eat the person, it is an attack.

In any case, he won the battle, and took over Atlantis, becoming its emperor. He forced the citizens to build him a huge castle with lasers as missile defense. They cooked him huge meals that he wasted, eating about 5% and throwing the rest to his pet aqua-dogs. Unfortunately, they had scuba suits so they were unable to eat and died.

I don't know what happened from this point until today, and neither does he as his memory is mostly gone. He spends most of his time in old folks home, either sleeping, eating, having fits, or entertaining children