Another Birdle-like Beast

Another Birdle-like Beast
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

Some might confuse this bird with the "Birdle" that I have previously posted about, but this bird is markedly different. While they both exhibit traits of bird/turtle hybrids, that bird was elderly and spoke English. This bird is near mindless, and spends a great amount of time waddling along the beach with its head in the sand, scooping up and eating starfish and barnacles with it's beak. It doesn't exactly digest the starfish and barnacles, but rather it stores them in a small compartment in its throat. When threatened, the turtle opens it's mouth and unleashes the still living starfish and barnacles at breathtaking speeds towards the aggressor.

This bird doesn't actually eat and digest much of anything. Rather, it feeds on the souls of the damned and human mustaches. The souls are stolen from soul canisters that are sold in bulk at Costco. The mustaches are fed upon at night, when men are sleeping. Many mustached men wake up without mustaches, and consequently are fired from their jobs, left by their families, and evicted from their homes.

This bird's arch enemies are samurais and matadors, especially when they work together by merging their mind-powers together to create an orb of kinetic energy that they load into a catapult and launch at the bird. Fortunately, this bird has developed a defense mechanism to this attack – it's heart stops beating and it dies before the energy orb appears, thus denying the samurais/matadors the pleasure of knowing that they defeated the creature.

Bird By The Pool

Bird By The Pool
Originally uploaded by devastationstudios.

My apologies for not having updated sooner, but I was out of town bird watching. Nevertheless, I do have an update for all of you patient folks. I first saw this bird when I was trespassing on private property in order to use a private swimming pool, but when I arrived through the bushes, I saw that I was not alone. This bird was relaxing by the pool on a pool chair, reading a magazine. I decided to approach the bird and attempt to take photographs using my binoculars. Unfortunately, this was unsuccessful and I was forced to use my camera.

Eventually, he spotted me, but seemed unconcerned about my trespassing. I asked him if he lived there, and he told me that he did not, but rather had just broke in and tied up the house's inhabitants so he would be able to use the pool for a while. As you may have noticed by now, many birds are notorious for breaking the law in various fashions, and this bird was certainly no different. He had his son with him, playing in the pool which was full of humpback whales. I hesitate to say "playing in the pool", because due to the size of humpback whales, only two or three fit in this pool, and only then when they were curled up in something of a ball, and they were essentially stacked on top of each other, the top of the pile at least 10 feet above the surface of the water. Needless to say, this left very little room for this bird's son, or even water.

I decided to sit down with the bird by the pool, and try to gather some information about him, and other birds like him. One of my first questions pertained to gender – as you may have noticed, the vast majority of birds on this blog I refer to as males, though there isn't exactly any proof other than dress and appearance; I decided to get some definitive information right from the horse/bird's mouth. I got a rather enlightening response. Apparently, birds reproduce asexually via mitosis, much like single cell organisms.

I also asked him about the average lifespan for a bird, but before he could answer, he boarded a space elevator with rocket boosters, and flew off towards the moon.